Saturday, December 19, 2009

Al Gore Reads "Apocalypse" Poem

You've got to love Al Gore, right?  He's got a grammy, an Oscar, and a Nobel Peace Prize.  Well, watch out poets, cause now he's going for Poet Laureate.  I have uploaded a video of him reading his latest "apocalypse" poem.  As brilliant as the poem is and as brilliantly as this grammy award-winner reads it, I still felt like it was missing something.  After much deliberation, I concluded that it needed some background music just to set the right mood.  Here it is.  I hope you enjoy it!


APOCALYPSE

One thin September soon
A floating continent disappears
In midnight sun

Vapors rise as
Fever settles on an acid sea
Neptune's bones dissolve

Snow glides from the mountain
Ice fathers floods for a season
A hard rain comes quickly

Then dirt is parched
Kindling is placed in the forest
For the lightning's celebration

Unknown creatures
Take their leave, unmourned
Horsemen ready their stirrups

Passion seeks heroes and friends
The bell of the city
On the hill is rung 

The shepherd cries
The hour of choosing has arrived
Here are your tools 


Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Top Ten Contest

Through the years I have found David Letterman's Top Ten Contest to be a suitable creative outlet during times of stress. I have the Bar exam to thank for this one:

Top Ten Things Overheard During President Obama's Trip to Russia

"I just flew in from Washington and boy are my ears tired" Dave M, Fargo, ND

"What happened to the guy who can't say 'nuclear'?" Ernie D, Mississauga, ON

"Did you see the new episode of 'Miami Vice'?" Michael R, Dubai, UAE

"The last guy from the US used to drink all our vodka" Bill B, Springfield, MO

"I loved you in 'Hancock,' Mr. President" Marc M, Brooklyn, NY

"Do they sell Marlboros here?" Cameron H, Deltona, FL

"Mr. Obama, tear down this teleprompter!" Garrett H, Spokane, WA

"Hey Michelle, do we have any more iPods?" Randall W, Anniston, AL

"We'll cut back our nukes but you have to take Rush Limbaugh" Linda F, Shady Side, MD

"Let's get a coffee from Tsarbucks" Mike J, Brampton

Here's the link: http://lateshow.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/top_ten/contest/index/php/20090711.phtml

This is my fourth time making the list...looks like I've got another "Late Show" mousepad coming my way. I enjoyed the prizes much more when the Late Show was actually funny, but one can always use a new mousepad, right?

Monday, May 18, 2009

Walking Out on Graduation...

Graduating from anything is quite an accomplishment, so why is it that the "official" way to celebrate is to wear some ridiculously silly robes, stand/sit for hours and hours, listen to some idiot spout off anecdotes and lessons that you don't care about, and then grab your diploma and throw your cap?

As crazy as all of that is by itself, when you graduate from Case Western Reserve University School of Law you have to pay $200+ to do it.  That's right, you pay over $100,000 to "learn how to think like a lawyer" and then they jab you with a $200+ bill for renting your robes on the way out.  Not to mention that all of the commencement activities take up about 8 hours of one's life - 8 hours spent with annoying law students who you have been forced to put up with for 3 years.  Here's how I tally it:

Robes = $200
Commencement Day = $400 (8 hours x $50/hr - the cost of my time)
Dealing with Annoying law students for 8 hours more = $40
Total = $640

I got to thinking, what could I do with that money instead?  I found that the possibilities are seemingly  endless.  Since I can't do some of the following activities and work at the same time, I will limit the budget to $240 on those activities.  Here are a few items I came up with:

1. Play 18 holes of golf at one of the best courses in the country
2. Play 180 holes of golf at a few municipal courses
3. Buy some new piece of electronic equipment (ipod, phone, TV, etc.)
4. Buy all new camping equipment
5. Buy all new fly-fishing equipment
6. Take a helicopter trip over the grand canyon
7. Buy great seats to a Cavs playoff game
8. Order anything I want from the best steakhouse in the US
9. Take the whole family on a little vacation
10. Pay back a tiny portion of my ridiculously large student loans

I'm just getting started.  There are plenty more and I will add them to the comments as I think of them.  I would welcome any suggestions you have.  

The only downside to taking my approach is that you don't have any pictures for posterity.  However, thanks to photoshop you can have the pictures and you never have to wear the horrendously archaic and non-flattering robes of the unholy priesthood.  Check this out:


Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Response to Michael Moore

I hesitate to even mention Michael Moore on my blog, but I saw an editorial he wrote and I just had to respond.  In the editorial, Moore praised President Obama for his firing of GM's CEO and for his use of his "superhero" powers.  Here's the link. (I know it's very un-Michael Moore-like to actually provide a link to the original source so you can view it without relying on my biases, but I'm a better person than he is)

I sent him the following email:

"Mr. Moore,


"He has the massive will of the American people behind him -- and he has been granted permission by us to do what he sees fit."


Who gave him this permission?  The 66 million people who voted for him?  What about the 62 million people who voted for Bush in 2004?  To do what he sees fit?  So, now we are supposed to accept the President's judgement?  Does it have to do with approval ratings?  Did you say similar things when Bush had an approval rating between 80 and 90 percent?


See, my problem is not necessarily what you say, because I can accept your premises, and appreciate them, and then shave off all of the excess BS.  You are who you are and you serve an important purpose in our society, even though I disagree with many of your contentions and the ridiculous and intellectually dishonest way you shout those contentions without making obvious concessions.  


My problem is that you are clearly not a man of principle.  You want it one way for the things and people you like, and a different way for the things and people you don't like.  You whined for years about the way that Bush did what he saw fit.  I guess the real problem is that he didn't do as you saw fit.  So, is that how it is?  When a President agrees with you, he can have almost unlimited - even superhero - powers, but when he disagrees he should be impeached?


As always, you are a giant contradiction.


Regards,

Garrett Hall


PS. It is not a valid response to bash Bush.  We've heard it.  Notice that I am not defending Bush or bashing Obama.  I'm simply talking about your hypocrisy and lack of principle."

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Obama Birth Certificate Issue

video

Obama Cartoon

Here is a Photoshop hack job I did last night.  It's a rip off of a controversial cartoon from the NY Post a few weeks ago, but I incorporated aspects of Obama's ridiculous budget.  I hope you enjoy!


My only comment about the article I linked to is that Sharpton incorrectly concludes that the cartoonist may have been "inferring that a monkey wrote the last bill".  That is 100% false!  He might be implying that a monkey wrote the last bill, but he's certainly not inferring it.  You are inferring that the author is implying that a monkey wrote the last bill.  The speaker implies; the listener infers.  

Geesh.  Even George W. Bush knows the difference between infer and imply.




Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Is This The Change People Voted For?

There are a few things Obama is doing that really tick me off.  I will list a few of them here.  A smug Obama has repeatedly responded to criticism of his policies by childishly saying "I won"!  Also, in the last few weeks he has responded to criticism from both sides by saying "this is the change people voted for".  Lastly, Obama keeps saying that we must "remake America".  I am trying my best not to be overly critical of this administration, but I am having a hard time...not because I am a weak creature and can't contain myself, but because the administration is giving me so much to criticize.

I won!

Congratulations!  By winning the election, you have the dubious job of bringing Republicans and Democrats together in a difficult (NOT A CRISIS) time.  I think the most effective way of preventing that from happening is to respond to Republican ideas by smugly saying "I won".  All that talk of bipartisanship and bringing people together...what is the point of bringing people together if you are just going to closeline one group of people.  I have no problem with you saying that you won and so you get to make the decisions, but don't set up some "bipartisan" parade and invite Republicans to the Super Bowl party only to jack them in the nose as soon as they open their mouths.  Forego the rhetorical BS and just jack them in the nose from the start.  Send a message.  But, if you do that, you have to own it.  Yeah, that is something that you have to do when you have responsibilities...something that is new to you.  Your charm - which was never very strong for me because I actually listen to the words that come out of your mouth and attach meaning to them - is wearing off and this childish whining is extremely annoying.  But, it's Barack's victory and he'll cry if he wants to!  

The Change People Voted For?

Did people actually knowingly vote for specific changes?  Because all I heard in the campaign was a very ambiguous promise of CHANGE.  I don't believe people actually knew what they were voting for.  They knew almost nothing about you, because you were "present" in the state senate and you campaigned for most of your US Senate stint.  During the campaign you were painfully ambiguous on what you would actually do and the media protected you from having to answer real questions about it.  So, I think you just ran at the right time when people just wanted any kind of change.  But, you can't introduce radical budgets, spending bills, and programs and defend them by saying "hey, the people voted for this change".  What happens when things go wrong?  Can we blame you or will you blame the American people for wanting the change that produced so many bad results?  As you haven't really owned anything yet, I am counting on the latter.  

Remake America?

I love America.  I have loved America and have been proud to be an American my whole life - not just recently like Ms. Obama.  America is not perfect and every once in a while we realize that we need to tweak something to make us a better country.  Tweaking and remaking are very different!  Obama wants to give America a face lift; I just want to remove a few of America's moles.  I am offended and shocked when Obama says we need to remake America.  No, we don't!  We need to change some things.  We need to continue improving as a nation.  Our foundation is good and our principles are solid, but he seems to want to change even those.  I worry about my country.  

So, those are some of my issues right now.  I have a lot more to say, but I have realized that if I try to say everything I want to say in each of my posts, I end up with 10 incomplete posts waiting to be completed.  So, this is what I have right now...

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Bipartisan Blog!

I am happy to inform you all that this is now a bipartisan blog.  All are welcome here; I won't prevent anyone from visiting the site.  I am ushering in a new era of bloghood.  I am going to unite the parties so we can make some progress.  Here's how it works:

I will share my opinions with you all.  If you disagree, I will listen to your opinions.  I will then share my opinions with you again.  Then, I will explain very clearly why my opinions are correct and yours are wrong.  If you have any further disagreements, I will remind you that this is my blog and, therefore, I am the winner and you are the loser.  If you still have problems with my opinions, I will restate my opinion in a way that makes you think it is the same as your opinion, even though I haven't changed my mind at all.  By then, you will surely agree with me.  If not, you will be invited to leave my blog and come back when you get some sense.  

Bipartisanship is a wonderful thing!  It's a good thing I'm such a unifier and that I can transcend pesky little disagreements by imposing my will on you all.  If you don't comply, I will accuse you of being a fear-mongering bigot who doesn't understand the new era of politics.  It will be great!  Get in line!